Imperfect tense

One of the things I remember hearing when I was growing up was the advice: “When a job is once begun, never leave it till it’s done. Be it great or be it small, do it well or not at all.” For some this may be an inspiration to achievement, but I found it rather daunting, and I’m afraid it left me likely to not do things at all rather than to risk doing them poorly (as people often do when they’re learning a new skill). However, I can’t blame this advice for my reaction to it, because I suspect that it’s my nature to be dissatisfied with myself anyway. I want not only to do things perfectly, but to do them perfectly the first time I try them. I know, I know, this is an unrealistic expectation. But unrealistic expectations are what perfectionism is all about.

An article on psychological studies of perfectionists discusses recent research that identifies negative thought patterns associated with depression (e.g., all-or-nothing thinking, which you’ll find listed in books on cognitive behavioral therapy as a no-no). The article also mentions a subdivision of perfectionists into three distinct types. I found this part very useful. I’m definitely the first type, hard on myself and prone to self-critical depression. I also tend to be soft-spoken and verbally gentle, even wimpy, which doesn’t match some stereotypes of the perfectionist as demanding and inflexible. However, those stereotypes may fit the second subtype, those who expect perfection in those around them. (If you are of the first type, spending time around someone of the second type can be seriously demoralizing.) Perfectionists of the third type try to measure up to a standard that they believe others expect of them.

One thing therapists try to do with perfectionists is to get them to loosen up a little bit, let some of the smaller things go, and observe that the world doesn’t stop turning as a result. Hmmm. Maybe I should try that someday. Do you think I’ll get it right the first time I try?